I'm waiting, waiting, waiting for an email from Chad. I know without a doubt that it's difficult for him at this point to find time online. I really hope he's taking advantage of getting as much rest as possible, because eventually rest isn't going to always be an option, which actually brings me to what I want to share.
Sleep and rest and our soldiers, I don't think a lot of people realize just how little these guys go on, it's scary when you think about it. I remember during the last deployment Chad went for 3 days THREE DAYS without sleep, now I'm sure he caught a cat nap here and there, but to actually lay down in his bed and sleep for a few hours straight, that didn't happen. I am pretty sure that 3 days was the longest he went, but that's part of the reality. They go for days. I remember this particular one because he called me on the cell phone while the boys and I were in WalMart. Of course throughout the store in certain area's are dead spots and I was so scared I'd hit one of those area's, thankfully I didn't. What I did get was snoring on the other end of the line! My man was tired, no he was exhausted. He tried his best to talk to me, but the fact is he needed to sleep and let not only his body rest, but his mind as well.
These soldiers go through so much and lack of sleep is just one of the many battles they face. Sleep becomes a luxury at times. Now there are some job's where they get more sleep and some where they get even less (all I can say on the latter is YIKES).
As a wife, I worry about Chad not getting enough sleep. We of course all are becoming more and more aware of the dangers of not getting enough sleep (I know at this point my friend Kelly is laughing at me and saying HYPOCRITE...because I suffer from insomnia and am up very late most nights!), but I do worry about him and the other guys, because they're exhausted but with an amazing strength and determination they keep going, without sleep. They keep searching and protecting and just doing their job. As a wife, I want my husband to be safe and out of harms way. As an ARMY Wife, I know that can't always be possible in the physical sense. I know that he's in a dangerous place. I know that God is always with him and he's Chad's best Armor. I also know there's an enemy out there amongst the good, and they're hard to spot. They aren't walking around wearing black and white hats.
I sit here in the safety of my living room, knowing that myhusband is in a place that most of us wouldn't even dream of going to with even the best of security and protection. I don't sit here feeling sorry for myself. I don't sit here weeping. I'm also not cold hearted or unfeeling. I miss Chad terribly, but get comfort from hearing his voice when he does get to call. I know that he's going to do his best to come home safe to us and not put himself or his soldiers in any harm if he doesn't have to. It's still not easy though. I'm not here to lie to you and tell you that it's always easy and I won't be lying and saying that it's always horrible. There's this feeling of not really normal, but yet I'm sorry I just can't seem to find the right word. We get into a routine. You accept what is happening at that point. I accept that Chad's not here and will not be for the next year or so.
I will sometimes have great days and sometimes have awful days. I won't and am not asking for others to say "cheer up" that's not what this journal is about. It's my perspective of life with my husband fighting in this war and hopefully SOON Chad's perspective of being in the war. I hope I can convey myself in a clear manner most days so that you can understand the feelings I'm having. I'll do my best and I know that Chad will! :)
Things are pretty slow right now and once Chad's able to get on and send an email and we get more into the deployment more things will posted.