I miss Chad. I miss him terribly. I miss the campanionship of an adult coming home in the late afternoon, taking the boys to play, while I gather my barings, begin dinner, and just hearing an adult's voice in this house. So far it's not been to bad, but then there's nights like tonight where although I'm feeling tired, the thought of climbing into that empty, cold bed is bringing tears to my eyes. A queen sized bed is meant to be shared with the man that you love. It's cold here in Germany, I mean REALLY, REALLY cold. Even with all the radiators on high, there's still a slight chill. I want nothing more right now than to climb into bed and be able to just cuddle into Chad and have him pull me into him tightly as I drift off to sleep.
The boys are starting to show the effects of deployment, acting out a little more and not listening like well. Our youngest is in true 2 yr old form, so I shouldn't be so shocked at the antics he pulls at times, yet well I am. Our oldest at times I just look at him and feel like someone or thing has taken over him. Bedtime is the worst. It should be a peaceful time, and it's turning into our own little war, ok maybe more of a battle...but still it's truly NO FUN. I do not like raising my voice to them as they drift off to sleep or should be drifting off to sleep. I want the last thing they hear to be "Amen" and "I love you's" and kisses and hugs...not "GET TO SLEEP NOW, RIGHT NOW"...There are times I come out of their room and just cry, because I feel so utterly frustrated. I know it's their time to adjust and test their boundaries, I really know this is all normal, but when you're in the midst of it, it doesn't make it any easier when all you want is a 2 yr old to just STAY IN BED!
I doubt I'll ever understand the minds of these boys anyways, but between getting out the elmer's glue because they climbed to the top of a shelf and got out one of the art bags, which led to the 2 yr old getting dots of glue on the side of the bed, on his sheets, on one of the many horses he's obsessed with, on a book page, on his sheets, and evidently in his hair on on his chest (although the last two were not discovered until after he woke up from his nap and the back of his head was matted up from the glue and it was flaking off his neck and chest...ah nothing like 2 I tell you) What really amazes me is how quickly children do these things. I had JUST put them in their rooms this afternoon for their nap, I heard them still up just 3 or 5 minutes later and discovered the glue. I'm still in shock they managed to get the bag down, because it was up HIGH. It's distressing really.
Well there's just a little bit of reality from me, the one left behind, guess you got reality of the 2 and 4 yr old too.
BTW...Chad's on much more limited online time right now, I am hoping he will get a chance to update, but who knows. We are still getting to chat often, but we won't get to use the webcams for a couple weeks because the place he normally goes to, the unit that mans that is low staffed because they had to do more mission related things and well the fact is an internet cafe is not priority in a war zone...but I am thankful he at least has another place to go and chat and he can see US, which I really hope helps me!
Also, for those who are preparing care packages for Chad, please, please email me if I have not sent you his address. I know I'm a total flake on that to a few of you and I just ask that you forgive me. Thank you for caring enough to want to send Chad a smile and showing him that you care about what he's doing.