A Whole New Perspective

So today was a trial by fire all on its own let me tell you. I've been fighting with the boys to get their room cleaned for the past two days. I'm by and far the STRICT parent. I accept that role, but it's NOT an easy one to take. It really would be nice to just let it go, but it's just not in my nature you could say. Today the boys were defiant, they were fibbing/lying, and just all together disobeying, well nothing gets me more mad than those things, especially all together. To say that I was ugly is putting it lightly. I did not handle things in the best way, not even close. I complained to a friend at the boys baseball end of the season party about the boys behavior, I complained to a friend on the phone, and I complained to Chad. What I didn't do was pray. I didn't revoke Satan. Satan WANTS my children to disobey and he wants me to react the way I did today to their poor behavior.

So here in a few I'm praying. I'm praying against Satan in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ. He will not have tomorrow, he will not have Friday, he will NOT have this deployment. These days are the Lords and the Lords alone for our family and I will NOT ALLOW Satan to cause us more pain than we're already in.

Tonight I ask that you pray with me, pray against Satan in Jesus's name.

 

As I mentioned above, I chatted with Chad tonight. He's tired and hot. He fell asleep last night after he shower before he could get online. I totally understand and I'm just so grateful we got to talk last night on the phone and chat tonight online and we chatted online Monday evening too.

I do NOT take our communication lightly. I know how precious it is. Our first deployment we went 6 weeks without a word. It stunk. I know I fell into a deep funk. But I also wasn't turning to the Lord like I should have been during that time either. Not again. I know that previous wars the communication has been so much less, limited to phone calls and more common hand written letters, which depending on which war were few and far between too. So to know that we can IM in real time is nothing short of amazing. To know that when the internet speed is fast enough we can see each other with webcams. That he can call and we can have a clear connection. God is amazing in this technology he's allowed us to have. We are surely blessed.

Back to Chad! :) He's doing well, he's hot and tired and has been working hard. Please keep him in your prayers as well as hisfellow soldiers, leaders, and those below him.

God Bless

He called!

We finally got to hear our hero's voice! He called this evening just as we had finished dinner and I was putting our baby in the tub. Our oldest son talked to him first and he was THRILLED. His whole face lit up. Then our other son got to talk to him. When I got the phone back I put it on speaker phone so the baby could hear and she just lit up and was looking all over for him. It was the absolute sweetest thing to see her get so excited over Daddy's voice.

After we finally had to say goodbye, our oldest son came out with tears running down his face. As much of a "high" as it was to hear from Dad, the low was very low knowing how long it's going to be until he's back home. Our middle son just doesn't have a grip on how long Daddy is going to be gone. Nothing I do for them can take that blow away either. I can't imagine what it must be like for them. To be Army kids, have this fear and worry, so much uncertanity in their life when it comes to Daddy. Please be in prayer for our children.

Chad is working hard, and is extremely busy. I am sure it's helping the time to go by quicker. Of course it's very hot there too. He said that it was 115 degrees right now. I'm going to send him a fan, and hopefully can find him one that mists. Once he's where he's going to be for the whole deployment I'll see if he wants/needs me to send a clip fan. Wish I could send him an A/C. I can't imagine how miserable it is, and to think that 115 will be "cool" for them in a few months. I do plan on sending him some ice pops, if he has a little fridge in his room. They did last time so I'm guessing they will this time too. Then he can stick them into his little freezer and come back to a nice cold treat!

Thank you for the prayers.

 

God Bless

 

Memorial Day and Update on Chad

Please don't forget what today is supposed to be about...Memorial Day...Remembering those who DIED so you could have the freedom's you enjoy and most likely take for granted. Be thankful that men and women are willing to sacrifice their life (literally for many), their comfort, their safety, and put their lives on a stand still in so many ways, that are willingly, even with broken heart to leave their families, their wives, children, babies...so that you can be FREE. So you can live in a free country, have just about any desire at your fingertips and any any time day or night. They give you the right to gripe about everything under the sun...politics, gas prices, housing market, the economy...well even with all the complaints most if not all American's lives are better than most of the world. Just don't forget. Also May 30 is the actual day today actually began with. May 30 is the TRUE "Memorial Day" or more accurately "Decoration Day" the day when our soldiers graves were decorated, a day where the focus was on the soldier, Lets take this day back, by remembering, honoring those who died for US, and make tomorrow a little less about ourselves.

 

 

As to Chad. He was about to get online tonight. He still hasn't been able to call, but to at least get to chat with him was great. He's been busy, busting his tail to get everything done that he needs to. It's very hot there, so I have a feeling he's already losing weight. He's been able to spend some time with our Chaplain, who's a great guy. It really brings me joy to know he's trying to surround himself with men who love the Lord. He's hoping to call us tomorrow, so please say a little prayer for that too, it'd be awesome to finally hear his voice, as well as for the kids to hear his voice.

 

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Long night

Today was better. It was actually a fairly normal day over all. We went with a friend to pick her son up from school, went to the commissary, book store, mail room, and then took the kids to what we call "airplane park". We let them play for about 1 hr and came home. I made dinner, pj's on, off to bed they went. Then it was quiet, really quiet and the tears just over came me.

I was talking to a wife, her husband is actually our Chaplain and we seem to all be feeling the same thing. You can deal with a deployment, they stink, you miss your husband, but you can handle it. What is just so beyond our grasp of understanding is 15 months. Twelve months I can do, 15 just literally takes my breath away when I think about it. The thought that he's going to miss our daughter's 1st  birthday AND most likely 2nd birthday breaks my heart. Knowing that for our youngest son, he's been here for his birth and this past birthday (his 4th) and that he's going to definately miss this next one and should HOPEFULLY be home for his 6th. Our oldest son, he'll only miss one birthday. It falls in January so it doesn't feel so huge when thinking of his birthday, but still. To think that he's going to miss 2 summers in a row, no camping trips most likely, no swimming at the Swimbad (pool), no baseball. There's just so much he'll be missing. It is just heartbreaking.

I KNOW, I mean I KNOW God has a plan for this and I believe it's all to bring us closer, make us stronger to HIM. That not only will our relationship with Christ grow, but our relationships with each other will grow, let me tell you though I'd really like to see them grow with us TOGETHER vs apart.

I promise this will NOT be a blog of me whining and complaining for the next 15 months, I know I'm not exactly off to a great start. I do want it to be honest though. Not everyday is happy, cheerful, and free of pain and issue's. This deployment has already started off pretty rough. Our van was totalled just 3 days before he left, and unfortunately not everything was settled before he left so now I get to finish dealing with the aftermath of all that and let me tell you, I HATE it!

Right now I just want to ask for prayers. Prayers that I can get things accomplished that I need and WANT to get accomplished. That Chad and I are able to communicate better than we ever have before. Oh speaking of that, we're going to read a book together...Sheet Music! :) We'll read a chapter at a time,take notes and then we'll talk about what we've read, learned, agree with, disagree with, etc. I'm REALLY excited about this, we've never done it before and once I'm done here I'm going to order the books for both of us! :)

Well I think I'm done complaining! Thanks for "listening", not judging, and most of all praying.

 

Just 452 days to go!

Tags: Deployment, 452 days, sadness

One down....

453 left

Well we made it through another day, far less tears so that's a good thing. Today was far more of a "normal" day, if there is any such thing as "normal". The boys were the boys, the baby was the baby except she did get sick on me after lunch and had laid on me most of the morning, but by afternoon she seemed to be feeling better.

Chad was able to get online this afternoon and so we got to chat for about 30 minutes. He's in Kuwait at this point and will be there for a few days. He said the internet is REALLY slow. He was able to pull up his webcam for a few minutes, so we got to see his face and that was great for all of us and we turned our webcam on so he could see all 4 of us and I hope that helped him get through the rest of his evening.

There are many perks to living in Germany, but during a deployment the best one is that the time difference is much less!! Being an hour to two hours is so much better than 8 or 9 hours!! I can't tell you the amount of IM's I missed of his during his first trip to Iraq because he'd be online at 4 AM Kansas time!

He's hoping to call tomorrow, so I'll have my cell phone with me when we go to the park or well anywhere outside of the apartment so hopefully we won't miss his call! I'm looking forward to hearing his voice. It's truly so daunting to think that I won't get to feel his arms around me for at least 8 more months. Last night as I went to bed I felt myself edging in closer to almost dispair of NEEDING to feel his arms around me just one more time. I can not imagine how hard it is for him, I have the kids to at least recieve and give hugs to/from. I know he can get a hug from the Chaplain and most likely has and will, but it's not the same I don't think and it's not even the same for me. There's something special about having your husband hold you in his arms. I love that feeling. I love feeling safe, that no one can hurt me, that between him and our Lord I'm safe and secure and harm will not come to me at that moment. I cling to the Lord's loving arms that have me wrapped up tight and I look forward to feeling Chad's arms.

 

So it begins

Well he's gone. He should be in another country at this point, ready to start a new day in a few hours. From my view point I'm already, ready for this deployment to be over. I already miss him and wish he was here to cuddle up to and place my very cold feet on his warm legs. I'm also so tired and should be in bed. We got home a little after 6 AM, from saying goodbye to him and at 10:15 am our little downstairs neighbor boy woke us up, he was returning our baseball. I guess those additional 4 hours on top of the 5 hours the got before I woke them was enough for them, because they were up from there on out. I layed on the couch in a daze and wondered how in the world I was going to even get through the day, but I managed.

Tonight The Soldier Show was here, so the kids and I joined the rest of the post and went. Son #2 did not want to be there, he was tired. Baby girl went back and forth from enjoying herself to being miserable. Son #1 enjoyed it. His favorite performance of the night was when they performed Michael Jackson's Thriller with the creatures and all! :) I think that got the loudest aplause of the night, they did do a great job with it. I can say that 2 yrs ago we had the Soldier Show here and I think that one was better than this year. I know I was tired and all, but it just wasn't quite as good. They of course sang a medley of American Pride songs and ended with "God Bless The USA" by Lee Greenwood. That's Chad's favorite song and of course how any Army wife (any military wife or American for that matter) can not, not cry is beyond me but it had me sobbing quietly.

As for the kids. Son #1 is doing ok. He's had a few moments of tears and just needing to be held and comforted. He seemed to dedicate his time today to arts and crafts. He even made me a card that says "I love you Mom, Love his name". It's sitting on top of the modem. :) Son #2 is having a very hard time. He got so upset when we were saying goodbye to Chad that he vomitted. I just lost it at that point. It broke my heart. A few more hugs and we got in the car and left. (We were going to stay until the busses left, but I felt after the vomitting incident that we needed to just come home). We got home and son #2 declared he was NOT going to bed, of course I had worried he'd fall asleep on the 2 minute drive home....he was out in just minutes. Son #1 took me up on the offer to sleep with him (#2 went to his own bed, by his own choice). We talked for a minute and he cried, we cuddled, and off to dreamland we both went.

So it begins. Now we're at the point of counting down the days until he returns to us. Well I'm officially falling asleep at the keyboard, so it's off to bed I go.

God Bless and Thank you for the prayers

And it begins

455 days and counting. This does not seem real. He just left, literally left our home a few minutes ago. We will go join him at the bus in a little bit, but the realities is he will not be returning here to our home for many months, until R&R. We don't know when he'll get R&R yet, we put in our requests the first being for Christmas time for one of our dates and that would be so wonderful. It'd be half way through the deployment and to have him here when the kids open gifts up on Christmas morning. Our daughter will be at the age where she will most likely be really into tearing open that paper, and the boys just adore Dad and would love to have him with them to celebrate Jesus's birthday. But when ever he comes home will  be the perfect time.

 

So at this point I just ask for prayers as the kids and I adjust to a new schedule that doesn't wait for 5:00 to come. Pray that God will keep our hearts guarded. Most of all pray for Chad as he's the one who must leave us. He's the one goign into harms way. Pray for those who will want to cause him and his comrades harm. Pray they come to know our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Pray that they will turn from doing evil and turn to doing good. Pray for those in Iraq who are just trying to live their life in a peaceful and productive way.

We have a date

As this is a public blog I can't give out the exact date of when Chad's leaving, but it's literally in a matter of DAYS. We are of course sad, but this is part of our life and we need to accept it and go. This weekend we're going away on a short retreat. We plan on just having family time and enjoying Chad while we still have him here with us, time's fleeting and we intend to make the most of the time we have with him.

Next weekend the kids and I are going with the Hospitality House to Salzburg, Austria. We're really looking forward to the get away. I haven't been to Salzburg yet and have been dying to go so that will be great!! It gives us all something to look forward to immediately! We haven't finalized everything yet, but in June we're planning a trip with our best friend here to go up to an indoor Beach up by Berlin and sight see Berlin. Then the end of July the kids and I will be heading back to the states for 6 weeks! Pray for that flight, as it'll be me vs the 3 of them! LOL I think it'll be fine Jacob and Jack are both old enough to help me out and Emma did really well on the flight to Ireland so hopefully she'll do well for that flight as well. It will be so nice to get to see all our family and friends and have the conviences of the US once again. By the time we land back in Kansas it'll have been 3 yrs since we were on TRUE American Soil!

I'll be writing in here more and more once Chad's gone, feel free to leave messages for him here if you don't have his email address. Hopefully he'll be able to write updates on here too. I've added him as a writer so it'll just all depend on internet availibility and time!

 

God Bless

Count Down

Well Chad should be leaving in a matter of weeks. Right now the date they gave us is probably changing it looks like, just by a couple of weeks, but change is change. They are talking of pushing it back and although it's good because we have 2 more weeks with him, it's bad too just because it means that much longer until he goes and that much longer until he comes back.

I had my head wrapped around the date they first gave us and was prepared as much as you can prepare yourself for them leaving, so now it's just all up in the air and that's frustrating.

The kids and and I and my best friend here and her 2 kids are planning to go to Italy in June to the beach, it'll be a great distraction for all of us. Her husband will be coming home with in weeks of our return so it'll be a nice last big trip before he comes back.

As the days get closer I'll write more and hopefully Chad will write as well. We'll see. We don't know what the internet will be like for him when he gets there. I hope he'll have easy access again, but I'm not counting on it (so if he ends up not having easy access I'm not disappointed). 

My only request right now is to pray for us and our kids as we prepare for him to leave and as HE prepares to leave.