Saturday, May 27, 2006

Keeping things in perspective

We're over half way through and although it's went by very quickly, I am more than ready for Chad to be home. I have a friend, well more of a good acquaintance who was complaining about her husband having to go out of town for 2 weeks. Now I understand it's her husband and him being gone is not part of their normal schedule, so I can empathize there. But she complained to me about this for over an HOUR. I TRIED to be a good person, a loving woman of Christ. I don't know if I truly failed here or not, but I told her to just stop, it's only 2 weeks and that when he's gone for a yr to complain to me about it. I told her that I can empathize that it's going to stink having him gone for 2 weeks, but it's seriously not the end of the world and that she will get through it. She got mad and stopped talking pretty well after that.

I don't know if she just "forgot" who she was talking to or she's just really that insensitive. It actually has had me thinking about it since that conversation. How many others just get so caught up in life that they forget about someone else's hardships? Not just us who's spouses are deployed. There are people who's spouse is sick, in the hospital because of a deadly disease, there are those who's child is sick. We all have our burdens. We all need someone to have that empathetic ear and listen to us. To allow us to just get it out. I think though that when we are sharing our own griefs, we have to remember who we're talking to. This definately goes for me. I try not to complain about Chad being deployed. I'm proud of him and what he's doing in Iraq. I believe in what he's doing over there. I still miss him. I do need him home with us. I do have to keep my focus on the fact that he's doing his job and we will get through this deployment and before I know it he'll be home.

Thank you for prayers, support, love, and friendship.

God Bless


mordantmaxie said...

I understand.  I really do.  When we lost my brother-in-law in Jan. I went to FL for his funeral.  When I made it home, I couldn't believe one of my friends.  I was talking to her on the phone when the song "When I Get Where I'm Going" came on.  That was the song we played at Mark's funeral. I just couldn't hold myself together. I started bawling. She invites me to breakfast at Denny's because "It sounds like you need to talk." During breakfast..she doesn't let me get a word in!  She spends the whole morning complaining about how she is ADD and really needs more Ritalin but can't afford it so she has been taking her son's.  

It's like having your leg chopped off and having someone with a stubbed toe want to talk to you about pain.  Some people just don't realize.  I don't think they mean to be so selfish. They are just so self absorbed, they can't see anyone else's struggles.  (hugs)


jckfrstross said...

you did the right thing :) she needs to get a life. Stay strong


deshelestraci said...

You did the right thing.  She did need to remember that she has a much better situation than others.  She must have forgotten who she was talking to!  Some people can only see to the end of their own nose.
Thinking of you, Traci

bethjunebug said...

Christy, I agree. When my brother was deployed in Desert Storm years ago, people just didn't know when to shut up. It's like they can't see your pain in your face. God gives some people more compassion and insight  than others.
May God bless you and your boys while Chad is deployed in Iraq. He is now one of my hero''s too. God Bless Him, he deserves a metal just for having the courage to go, and so do you, for letting him go. Monday on Memorial Day, when we are having our celebrations and prayers for our soldiers, I will add his name, to be prayed for , I will pray that God would put a protective hedge around about him to protect him and all that is around him. Take care, you are in my prayers.
your journaling friend, Liz  (Bethjunebug) I have a journal page too.

bethjunebug said...

oh, my brother was stationed out of Germany too, he married a german women, and they have one son now. He is no longer in the military. He's here in Virginia. Where are you all originally  from?

chevyz71gurl74 said...

You said what any woman who's husband is deployed
would have said...seems she had no compassion for what
you are dealing with yourself...far more than two weeks.
I can't imagine what you go through Christy...keep
ur chin up girlie... =)

hunybea4him said...

My husband goes out of town for work very often it seems now.  Sometimes it is very hard on me and the kids but I always try and keep it in prespective and think of families like you and that helps me when I am having my pitty party lol.  I try and not complain but be greatful.. at least he IS WORKING, or sometimes it is great to get a break from him lol.

I think maybe your friend was not generaly upset.. but looking for attention.. because if that was the case.. when you had pointed out the postives.. that it was only two weeks and not a year.. she should of been thankful, instead of hurt.  I find there are alot of ppl who just wait for situations to come up so they can have Woe Is Me time and have ppl fawn over them and when you don't subscribe to that..then they dont think of you as a friend and the tide quickly turns.  THose are the ppl we need to realy be praying for.. for heart changes.. that they see the wonderful instead of the horrible, that they have a heart of praise and thankfulness, instead of dread and bitterness.

Much Love,

fairylaura said...

Ohhh can I relate to this!! I have felt this way so many times as well. I have a good friend..and her husband has never been to Iraq, nor to the field. He recently went on TDY for 3 weeks and she about died. I felt for her, yet wondered if she was seeking empathy from me. I was like "What? 3 weeks? I wish that were me!" And Adrian was already 9 months in deployment. However, I listened and tried to comfort her the best way I could. Yet I told her jokingly "Yeah? Try 12 months." She said "I know. I sound like a jackass complaining to you. But it's hard." I said "Yeah.. I know."
You gave her the right advice. It's true.. people go on with their lives and live their every day and forget what us women go through here at home.


leanntepoorten said...

Well Christy, I'm guilty of getting whiny when my hubby has to just work late at night. I have said it before though, you are a tough woman to endure a year, two years or whatever without your best friend. I would be so lost but then I'm somewhat a needy person.

I can relate to the insensitivity of a friend btw but the circumstances are much different but I had to quit talking to a person because she was being so insensitive and selfish that I would get off the phone with her and just want to run and scream at her!

I wonder sometimes how it is that people are programmed so differently.

I hope the time continues to go quickly but I would imagine after his breif visit that it makes it much harder to endure the time. Hang in there girl, you're doing great!