A friend of mine posted this on her blog and of course I was crying like a baby.
For those of you who are also military spouces, this is for you. Chris, if you're reading this....I want you to know that you, the kids, and of course Sean will be in my thoughts tomorrow. I wish so, very, very much that Sean was coming home to you guys. I love you all very much. We'll be lighting a candle in memory of Sean tomorrow and every other fallen soldier.
When You Come Home
We're over half way through and although it's went by very quickly, I am more than ready for Chad to be home. I have a friend, well more of a good acquaintance who was complaining about her husband having to go out of town for 2 weeks. Now I understand it's her husband and him being gone is not part of their normal schedule, so I can empathize there. But she complained to me about this for over an HOUR. I TRIED to be a good person, a loving woman of Christ. I don't know if I truly failed here or not, but I told her to just stop, it's only 2 weeks and that when he's gone for a yr to complain to me about it. I told her that I can empathize that it's going to stink having him gone for 2 weeks, but it's seriously not the end of the world and that she will get through it. She got mad and stopped talking pretty well after that.
I don't know if she just "forgot" who she was talking to or she's just really that insensitive. It actually has had me thinking about it since that conversation. How many others just get so caught up in life that they forget about someone else's hardships? Not just us who's spouses are deployed. There are people who's spouse is sick, in the hospital because of a deadly disease, there are those who's child is sick. We all have our burdens. We all need someone to have that empathetic ear and listen to us. To allow us to just get it out. I think though that when we are sharing our own griefs, we have to remember who we're talking to. This definately goes for me. I try not to complain about Chad being deployed. I'm proud of him and what he's doing in Iraq. I believe in what he's doing over there. I still miss him. I do need him home with us. I do have to keep my focus on the fact that he's doing his job and we will get through this deployment and before I know it he'll be home.
Thank you for prayers, support, love, and friendship.
God Bless
Chad called tonight, it was so wonderful to talk to him. He let me vent.Here he is off fighting in a way and he calls home to hear his loved ones voices and gets to listen to his crazy wife complain about how the boys aren't cleaning the playroom and bedroom. He listens, he talks to the boys and tells them to clean their rooms and listen to their Crazy Mom! Ok so he didn't call me crazy, but I know he's thinking it or should be! LOL
Now a few hrs after hearing his calming and loving voice, I just feel so lonely. I miss him. I miss being able to talk to him every single day. I miss his hugs and kisses. I miss him coming home and giving me a break, by taking the boys outside (or taking over playground time so I can come inside and get things done or just get 10 minutes by myself). I miss sitting beside him in the evenings and being able to talk to him about any and everything. I miss him in our bed, for all the reasons. He's my best friend. It's how a husband and wife should feel about each other, and I do. I think he doubts that at times. I have my best "girl" friend, but over everyone it's Chad. He has my heart like no other person, he has my trust like no other. It truly goes God/Jesus, Chad, etc. Again it's how it should be.
I look forward to him being home in a few months. He's been having a hard time dealing with loneliness too and missing us. I can't fix that for him, just as he can't fix it for me. He has I think a security in knowing I'm surrounded by amazing friends here in Germany and that I have wonderful friends in the states that I stay in contact with too, but he knows that I miss him. I hope he does, if you're reading this Chad....I hope you understand how much I miss you.
One day at a time. I'm sure tomorrow will be better, right now though I miss my friend, my husband.
Ok, I've lost count of how many days Chad's been gone and honestly I'm just too lazy and far too tired right now to go count! I will try to do that tomorrow.
Chad called yesterday, hadn't talked to him since Mother's Day. I'm not sure if I shared or not, but he's not with the rest of his battalion, and he's extremely busy and going out A LOT, which of course limits our contact drastically. He's been through quite a bit, concerning IEDS and mortar rounds landing inside the base camp. He shared a HYSTERICAL story with me, but there's no way I'm going to write about it here, if he's willing to share it I'll let him! Even in Iraq funny things can happen! :)
The boys and I are doing well. Our oldest had his last tball game and he had fun, but said he was glad he was done! We had a half way through party tonight too with the battalion. They had a huge bounce house, trampoline, and a electric bull. They had tons and tons of food. The boys ate and had a lot of fun! It didn't take them long to fall asleep either!!
Our little guy got to talk to Daddy last night for the first time after being asleep the last 2 times he called. He was so excited to talk to his Daddy. He missed him a lot. When you ask him "where's Daddy" he'll say "Iraq" but of course it sounds more like "I" "ack" He's 2, can't expect perfect grammar!
Well, it's almost 2 am here in Germany, I need to get to sleep. I have a Mom's Day Out tomorrow. The boys will be at childcare from 10-6. It'll be a nice break. I plan on going to the gym, getting the laundry put away, and doing some scrapbooking. It'll be a nice hopefully quiet day.
God Bless and Thanks for supporting our family and other military families.
I know, I know. I've been terrible at updating, but hey it's been kind of quiet on Chad's end. He's no longer up at the AF base, but now down with the rest of his unit. I still have this amazing amount of peace about all of it.
Chad told me that one of the good things about being down there is that he keeps busier, he's going on missions, he has PT 3 times a day, and since going there has lost weight, because he has less time. I hope him being as busy as he is, will make the time go by quicker for him.
I have really missed him so much this week. Monday marked 6 yrs since our daughter died. It seems unreal to both of us. He called on Monday. It was really nice to hear his voice, although I could hear the sadness in it, but well mine was pretty sad as well. Friday will be 6 yrs since we last saw our precious girl, closed the casket, and said goodbye to that precious little body that we helped create, no more painting toe nails, kissing those pretty little feet, no more tight hugs, cuddles from her, etc.
I know my pain of our daughter's death, but I can't say I know Chad's fully...he was her DADDY, I was her MOMMY. Two important, but very different roles and no one can lay claim on another's grief. Please keep Chad in your prayers as he does his best to deal with the events that we lived through 6 yrs ago.
I ask that you keep Chad in your prayers for his safety now more than ever. I have not talked to him since Monday, he had planned to call me on Tuesday and well he hasn't. I don't worry, because I know no news is good news, and that once he has a chance, he will call me. He was hoping to have internet in his room this week, if he does, that'll be so great. We'll be able to webcam with each other more often, etc.
Thank you for your continued prayers, love, and friendship.
God Bless
