Deployment Day +85

It's late and I need to be in bed. I'm getting sick..oh yeah. I know come morning I'm going to want to be sleeping instead of doing anything else (like getting the boys breakfast, getting dressed, getting the boys dressed, going to church)...I'd say I'd skip out on church, but I need to go. I need the accountability, the fellowship, the worship, etc. Of course if I'm feeling really awful I will just have to stay home and hope that I feel better by the time Awana starts, I'd hate to not be there when I know how much I'm needed, plus watching those kids faces light up as they learn bible verses.

Anyways....today I missed chatting with Chad online by 5 minutes...yes 5 whole stinking minutes which means I was parking the van, getting the boys out, getting them scrambled up the stairs...:( We hadn't talked since last Saturday when he called me 2 days ago, which I have no reason to complain about, it just felt like we hadn't talked in quite a while and I missed hearing his voice.

I did write him a long email asking him to write us more hand written letters. I LOVE getting phone calls and getting to chat with him, but I think we all know how great a hand written letter is, he told me that he will. I was able to send him another care package on Thursday too! I sent him 2 containers of buckeyes, the man loves them! I hope they're in decent shape by the time they get to him. I sent him a picture frame that Jacob painted too and some other goodies. I wish so much I could do more for him. I'm going to see if I can find some 5x7 picture frames, he asked for some of them and also some picture albums that can hold up to 5x7.

I wish I had a magical wand to make this deployment easier for him. He misses us so much. He tells me that everytime I hear from him and when we're on the phone I can hear it in his voice. Chad's a man that I don't worry about as far as cheating. Some will tell me I'm naive, but I know this man that I'm married to. I know his history of being cheated on and how he feels about it. If I couldn't trust him, I couldn't respect him the way I do. I feel so much love for this man and wonder what in the world I did to deserve him. He's been so good to me in our nearly 9 yrs of marriage, far better than I deserve a good deal of the time, yet time and time and time again he's supported me as a wife, mother, friend, etc...I have a quick temper, it's something I'm working REALLY, REALLY hard on right now. I know Chad knows I lovehim, but I have to admit I wonder if he has any clue just exactly HOW MUCH. He makes life so much more. He's given me more love than I ever expected to have, more respect than I normally deserve...I don't feel completely whole with him not here.

I'm a pretty independent person, yet something I've discovered is that I depend on Chad so much. I LOVE having a man to take care of well those manly tasks that I've determined are just that in my mind! :) Taking out the trash and recycling, changing light bulbs so I don't have to climb on the chair praying I don't fall or drop the light shade, etc. Life's just better when he's home with us. I know what he's doing is so important and I'm truly proud of him. I still have this amazing peace about him being deployed. Time is stil going by really quite quickly....it doesn't take it away though. I'd prefer my husband home with me. I'd prefer my boys to see Daddy walking in the door every late afternoon vs watching him on tv on the dvd reading them bedtime stories or on the webcam. It's not the same.

I know not a real upbeat entry...but that's what this deployment is for us...not always hard and horrible, but not always easy and light.

I better get to bed.

God Bless