Sunday, January 22, 2006

Deployment Day +85

It's late and I need to be in bed. I'm getting sick..oh yeah. I know come morning I'm going to want to be sleeping instead of doing anything else (like getting the boys breakfast, getting dressed, getting the boys dressed, going to church)...I'd say I'd skip out on church, but I need to go. I need the accountability, the fellowship, the worship, etc. Of course if I'm feeling really awful I will just have to stay home and hope that I feel better by the time Awana starts, I'd hate to not be there when I know how much I'm needed, plus watching those kids faces light up as they learn bible verses. I missed chatting with Chad online by 5 minutes...yes 5 whole stinking minutes which means I was parking the van, getting the boys out, getting them scrambled up the stairs...:( We hadn't talked since last Saturday when he called me 2 days ago, which I have no reason to complain about, it just felt like we hadn't talked in quite a while and I missed hearing his voice.

I did write him a long email asking him to write us more hand written letters. I LOVE getting phone calls and getting to chat with him, but I think we all know how great a hand written letter is, he told me that he will. I was able to send him another care package on Thursday too! I sent him 2 containers of buckeyes, the man loves them! I hope they're in decent shape by the time they get to him. I sent him a picture frame that Jacob painted too and some other goodies. I wish so much I could do more for him. I'm going to see if I can find some 5x7 picture frames, he asked for some of them and also some picture albums that can hold up to 5x7.

I wish I had a magical wand to make this deployment easier for him. He misses us so much. He tells me that everytime I hear from him and when we're on the phone I can hear it in his voice. Chad's a man that I don't worry about as far as cheating. Some will tell me I'm naive, but I know this man that I'm married to. I know his history of being cheated on and how he feels about it. If I couldn't trust him, I couldn't respect him the way I do. I feel so much love for this man and wonder what in the world I did to deserve him. He's been so good to me in our nearly 9 yrs of marriage, far better than I deserve a good deal of the time, yet time and time and time again he's supported me as a wife, mother, friend, etc...I have a quick temper, it's something I'm working REALLY, REALLY hard on right now. I know Chad knows I lovehim, but I have to admit I wonder if he has any clue just exactly HOW MUCH. He makes life so much more. He's given me more love than I ever expected to have, more respect than I normally deserve...I don't feel completely whole with him not here.

I'm a pretty independent person, yet something I've discovered is that I depend on Chad so much. I LOVE having a man to take care of well those manly tasks that I've determined are just that in my mind! :) Taking out the trash and recycling, changing light bulbs so I don't have to climb on the chair praying I don't fall or drop the light shade, etc. Life's just better when he's home with us. I know what he's doing is so important and I'm truly proud of him. I still have this amazing peace about him being deployed. Time is stil going by really quite doesn't take it away though. I'd prefer my husband home with me. I'd prefer my boys to see Daddy walking in the door every late afternoon vs watching him on tv on the dvd reading them bedtime stories or on the webcam. It's not the same.

I know not a real upbeat entry...but that's what this deployment is for us...not always hard and horrible, but not always easy and light.

I better get to bed.

God Bless


jckfrstross said...

Ok what are buckeyes? Praying you get to feeling better soon:)


lv2trnscrb said...

(((Christy))) To be a mom and to be getting sick or being sick is soooo hard! Especially since you are by yourself. I do hope that you can fight off the sickness so you aren't under the weather for too long. Did Chad get the books yet that I sent? You probably don't know because you havent' had a chance to talk with him. Hugs to you.....

I cann't imagine how hard deployment must be to all of you. I do believe, though, that Chad loves you soooo very much and I can't imagine him being unfaithful in any way. I think he loves you and the Lord too much to allow that to happen


sangrialel said...

I hope that you are feeling better in the morning and not worse!  I can't even begin to imagine what you two must feel being so far from each other.  I would miss my husband so much, I love having a man around also.  I will say a prayer that things get easier for both you and Chad and that the time will just seem to fly by.  Lelly

siennastarr said...

Hi Christy..

I'm so glad I had the chance to visit your journal again... I think I have been here before, but may not have left a comment.  I certainly plan on putting you on alert, and coming back to read more! :)  
I can't imagine how hard if must be for you and the boys to be here while hubby is off somewhere else serving our beautiful country.  
I think it will be interesting to read about your side of being a SAHM, trying to keep those home fires buring while he is away.

Nice Journal.. :)

I'll be back..    and...  I hope you feel better soon!


linnpooh said...

Extra {{{Pooh Hugs}}} Christy....I'm sorry you are getting sick. I'm also sorry you missed getting to talk with Chad, I can only imagine how important those visits are to you. It must be so hard for the both of you to be seperated by so many never need apoligize or for not being upbeat, that's what we are here for and you say anything you need to say. I'm always praying for you and for Chad's safety......I'm always routing for you.

Pooh Hugs,

mikalsgrl said...

((((((( Christy ))))))))

You know I am here if you ever need to chat. Yummmm, Buckeye's!!! I am sure Chad misses your good homecooking....but it is great that you are able to send him "goodies". With this deployment, Chad needs support and I hope he knows he has the support from this retired military family.....but I also want to remind you that you havw just as much support and love that we can send to you. As Top would say, THIS FAMILY OF OURS:)

I think it's nice to be gently reminded that all will be okay and that there are many Americans that support the United States military members AND their family members.

Hang in there Christy.....and I hope you are feeling a little better:)

grahamfarmga said...

I'm glad that you share ture feelings and dont try to keep it always up beat. Thanks for shareing your love and trust for Chad. I enjoyed the entry

onecrazymomto5 said...

OK you are part of the game I am calling - Hey I'm country!  Stop by my journal in a little while and check it out!  But give me time to finish the entry- you'll see why!

leanntepoorten said...

Christy, you deserve the love that you give to Chad. You have been so patient, and supportive in all your writings about Chad.  I have learned that in 17 years of marriage that I get as much as I give and if I take more because I 'feel' I deserve it, well, than the scales tip the wrong way. Yea, I get selfish because I love the love that I get from hubby, it's such a blanket of security.

I really hope that you all have a wonderful time when he comes back for some R & R.